"I'm suppose to wake up" ficlet (Sam / 3.11 spoiler)

[alena2b]

Title: “I'm suppose to wake up.”
Author: alena2b
Characters: Sam, Bobby (no pairing)
Rating: PG
Word count / warning: ca. 600 / spoiler episode 3.11
Summary:  Filling in the gap after Dean’s death.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything! This is just little something my heart needed to get out.

 
Notes: It’s my first ever fic, but after seeing the episode 3.11, I just needed to let it out. Betas were my dear friends josiepops   and zomzoms

"I'm suppose to wake up"

Sam just blacks out. He's holding his brother, he's holding on for the world. Still nothing happens. He doesn’t wake up; there's no Asia on the radio. It's still Wednesday. 

There are sirens in the background closing in, but Sam doesn't hear them. He's just sitting there. His brother dead in his arms. Paramedics park next to them, jump out of the ambulance and try to pull  Sam away from Dean. He doesn't let go, he knows there's nothing they can do. It's his brother. This time he's dead for real.

He doesn't know how long he's been sitting there. Something changes in him. “This can't be it! He can't go this way. I should have saved him. He can't go to hell. Not now, not this way.“ he says to himself and sheds his last tear.

The feeling of failure overcomes him. Why has it happened now, after Dean finally decides he doesn’t want to die? This can’t be. They had just started to think of ways to get him out of the deal.

Sam takes Dean’s body. He knows he can't just bury him and no matter how it hurts, he lights the torch. He takes one last look at his brother. Dean looks peaceful; like he’s sleeping. However, Sam knows the truth is different. His brother is paying his due. He's paying the price for Sam.

Sam is looking at the fire and remembers his dad. That hurt like hell, but Dean was there. Now there's no-one here. He’s alone.

He waits for the fire to burn out, then turns around and never looks back.

He sits behind the wheel of Dean’s beloved Impala and looks at the empty passenger seat next to him. He's just not used to it. He slowly slides the hand over the steering wheel. “Now we're alone, baby.“ he says. Suddenly talking to the car, the way Dean did all the time, is not so strange anymore.

He drives for days. He doesn't stop to eat, he doesn't sleep, he doesn't talk. Bobby calls him relentlessly, he doesn’t pick up and eventually his phone goes quiet. It takes him a week to realize the battery is dead.

After two weeks his head starts working again. But not his heart. Sam, who once was full of emotions, doesn't feel anymore. He's empty inside.

Eventually his instincts overcome him. He is sitting at a diner and flips his laptop open. He starts looking for signs. Just like he used to do it with Dean. For a second he actually gets lost in all the information. He looks up and wants to talk to Dean. Like he always did before. Dean would always be on the other side of the screen.

He stares at that empty space and gasps. How could he forget? A sharp pain goes through his body. Pain of realizing he's alone once again.

He calls Bobby. “I want to hunt him down and I need your help.”  Bobby just replies, “Ok.” and doesn't ask any questions. He wants to know how Sam is doing, where he is; but all he can say is ok. The voice on the other side of the phone is not Sam. Not anymore.